The Elusive There

By Michael Lisagor

"Much of the difficulty in discerning the workings of good and evil is due to our unwillingness to acknowledge the potential of both supreme good and evil within our own lives (Living Buddhism, February 2002, p. 6)."

As a youngster growing up in Los Angeles, I defined "good" as a Baby Ruth candy bar and a large bottle of RC Cola. "Bad" was anyone I didn't like or who treated me poorly. As I got older, I subconsciously continued to label many of the events and people in my life as either being good or bad, comfortable or uncomfortable. Almost half a century later, as a supposed adult, it amazes me how much I still do this!

I have been making a concerted effort over the last few years to accept my life, as it is, both good and bad, instead of obsessing about how I wish it would be. In the past, I spent considerable energy trying to reach an elusive "there", "there" meaning everything "good"-a better job, a more pleasant boss, or just a little more money. It was almost impossible to enjoy life as it was when I was so busy wishing I were somewhere else.

A key aspect of a healthy Buddhist perspective is the realization that we are exactly where we need to be for our own human revolution. The belief that our happiness depends on some event or situation happening in the future actually sets us up for unhappiness.

Especially when we consider that we are all bound by the cycle of birth, sickness, old age and death. So, if we wait for a trouble-free life, our happiness will continue to elude us.

I am also continuing to work on how I relate to other people, especially individuals who give me grief. Many people I know have a tendency to simply label someone who does something "bad" as being a "bad" person or something even more descriptive. But, this isn't consistent with Nichiren's assertion that each human being is a Buddha with all the ten worlds and, so, worthy of our respect. As long as we continue to judge others to the extreme, then there can never be world peace.

When I get upset with someone for something they have done or said, I now try to reflect on that specific behavior instead of declaring the individual unworthy. By awakening my compassion for that person as a fellow human, I am able to communicate my concern without going into attack mode. This was very effective with a client of mine. Her demanding management style was preventing her key staff from feeling free to express their opinions. Finally, when her behavior started to upset me as well, I realized I needed to have a dialogue with her.

First, I chanted with the understanding that it was her behavior that was the problem, not her as a human being. Then, I closed my eyes and imagined how SGI President Ikeda might engage this individual in dialogue. Later, after I had a productive discussion with my client, she actually thanked me profusely for pointing out why her actions were not consistent with her desired company culture. And, instead of canceling my contract, the next day, she invited my wife and me out to dinner! This breakthrough was only made possible by transforming my initial negative judgment into a constructive dialogue.

I have been slowly accepting that I have an enlightened condition within my life, as does everyone else. This has helped me have more compassion for my family, friends, clients and myself. As a minor added benefit, I no longer feel the need to look over my shoulder when I sneak an occasional Baby Ruth bar!

© 2004 Michael Lisagor

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