Two words I would never associate with my childhood are "compassion" and "encouragement." In 1999, on Father's Day, I wrote a letter that expresses the guidance and love I wish I had received from my father. (He passed away several years ago). The act of writing the letter was a very healing process. Fortunately, I have a much healthier, loving relationship with my own two daughters. My older daughter is a journalist. My younger daughter is in her final year of law school. They are both remarkable young adults. I decided to give them a similar letter as a reminder of some of life's important lessons as well as a way to tell them one more time that no matter what may happen in their lives, they are truly loved. This, I believe, is the greatest gift a parent has to give.

Dear Megan and Jamie:

Here are some guidelines . . . rules of the road I would like to share with the two most wonderful daughters in the world.

Never forget that you are always loved. No matter what you do or where you go or what mistakes you make, Mom and I will always love you. Follow your own heart and do what you want to with your life not what other people think you should do.

Learn to accept your joys and your sorrows. Through your sorrows you will grow and learn valuable lessons about life and yourself. Your joys will cause you to reflect on the mystery and beauty of life. Sorrows make the joys even sweeter. It's okay to be sad sometimes. No one will think less of you. Don't hide your sadness . . . you might not be able to find it when you need to. It's okay to let another person comfort you. Going through your own hardships will then enable you to comfort others.

Face your fears. When you're afraid, find someone you can talk to and trust. Some of your fears are justified and serve to protect you from real harm. But, most of them will prevent you from expanding your life. More often than not, your greatest fears are in your imagination and don't exist in reality. Recognize your nightmares as just fears in technicolor. Observe them as you would a horror movie. Be scared but don't let your fears paralyze you. If all else fails, come to me for a hug. Even if it's in the middle of the night. I'll always have time for you.

Don't be afraid to dream big. The sky's the limit. You won't be able to do everything in life. So, don't limit yourself while you're still young . . . there's plenty of other people who are willing to do that for you. You can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it. Realize that major victories are the result of many small efforts. Work hard every day. Be diligent in your studies. These are two of the things that great accomplishments are made of.
Sometimes you'll succeed and sometimes you'll fail. Don't let this fact slow you down. There is usually a degree of pain associated with going outside your comfort zone. You'll get stuck if you don't accept some risk. I hope you continue to expand your lives in new and exciting directions.

Communicate. So much of our unhappiness arises from our unwillingness to engage in honest dialogue with others. When talking about something is the most difficult, you probably need to do it the most. I will always be here for you when you need to talk. Don't be reluctant to seek out help when you need it. No one said we have to do it all alone.

Be nice to others. Have compassion for their sufferings. Avoid gossip. Your friends' feelings can be hurt just as easily as yours can. On the other hand, speak out against injustice. Do not tolerate abuse.

There are many ways to define a successful life. Ask yourself what you would like people to say about you when you are old. How do you want to feel about yourself? Then, let that guide your decisions and actions. Be a person of integrity. Honor your commitments whenever possible-especially your commitments to yourself. But, also learn to forgive yourself. Perfection is a futile goal.

Finally, and perhaps most important:

Make your spiritual development a lifetime journey. Some truths are universal; some might apply to you alone. Seek them out and try to let your actions be guided by them. Find ways and take the time to tap into your Buddha nature -- that place where you are filled with wisdom and compassion for yourself and others. Add your own uniqueness to the tapestry of human life. And respect others' uniqueness as they go about their journeys. In this way, you will be able to make the most of each precious moment.
Always know you have a father who loves you more than life itself!

Copyright 2004 Michael Lisagor

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